May 2018 – Mormons Speak

May 22, 2018

The Church Should Listen to, and not Silence, Abuse Survivors

The LDS Church is a wonderful place to worship, serve and love others. Over the years, I have associated with thousands of people who are good, caring individuals, committed to loving the Lord and blessing the lives of others. After a recent difficult surgery, ward members brought countless meals, visited me and cheered me. The church can be a peaceful place where we can worship God and transform our lives so that we become more like him.

In any group or neighborhood, there are some folks who pretend to be good but are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Sexual predators can be found in most institutions—and the church is not an exception. In fact, the church is attractive to abusers because it is so easy for them to hide their abuse.

As the #MeToo movement has exploded, more women are coming forward and sharing their accounts of being sexually harassed or molested in the workplace. Now the LDS Church needs to step forward and acknowledge that they, too, have a problem with sexual violence being covered up. They can no longer continue to ignore the problem or to silence victims.

Perhaps church leaders disregard the pleas of survivors because:

• They assume that all leaders are righteous and are called of God.
• They want members to trust them and to trust those whom they call to serve in priesthood positions.
• They refuse to acknowledge that some whom they have called are perpetrators.
• They assume that local leadership is monitoring and removing perpetrators from positions where they can abuse others.
• They believe that women who report abuse by ecclesiastical leaders and others are lying or exaggerating.

None of these assumptions are true. Not every leader is called of God and deserves the trust and confidence of the people they serve. Local leaders are not effectively monitoring or removing perpetrators from positions where they can harm others, and almost all who report abuse are truthful. Few tell how terrible the abuse was or how significantly it impacted their lives. It takes great courage to step forward and report abuse.

When church leaders side with perpetrators, they send a message to their congregations and to the neighbors and friends of survivors that victims cannot be trusted or believed. They shun and silence survivors, which further abuses them. They also send a message to the law enforcement authorities that the victim’s account is false.

We urge the leaders of the LDS Church to follow the example of Jesus. He loved those who suffered. He spoke out forcefully against evil. He healed the broken hearted. We know that when the Church develops a genuine zero-tolerance policy regarding sexual and physical abuse, it will attract more members and will be a beacon of light and hope for people throughout the world. We pray that our leaders will take the necessary steps to do so.

“That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness… but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.” D&C 121: 36-37

May 9, 2018May 9, 2018

The LDS Church Must Adopt a Zero-Tolerance Program for Abuse

In an official statement, the church claims to have a “long-standing policy of no tolerance for abuse.” However, it routinely pays millions of dollars to victims of sexual abuse and has required victims to sign non-disclosure agreements. Too often it shames and blames many who report abuse. Some abuse survivors were grooming and abused in one-on-one bishop interviews. Others were physically or sexually abused by bishops or by their husbands who served as ecclesiastical leaders. Unless the church adopts policies and procedures that provide recourse and resources for abuse survivors, the abuse will continue and perpetrators will be drawn to the church, which allows them to easily target victims.

Critical changes must include:

• Eliminating regular one-on-one morality interviews with children and youth
• Removing from church curricula and talks anything that blames victims and removes responsibility from perpetrators
• Creating an independent, empowered agency with a helpline where victims can report abuse that has been ignored or committed by ecclesiastical leaders
• Implementing policies and procedures that help abuse victims and hold perpetrators accountable
• Stopping the blaming and shaming of victims by silencing them or marginalizing them.

These procedures not only help abuse survivors but church leaders as well. Both will be better safeguarded from situations that encourage abuse. The LDS church will be a safer place for people to worship and join. Sacred tithing monies will be better spent helping survivors heal from abuse rather than defending the church from lawsuits by victims who were ignored and shamed. From a corporate standpoint, it will improve the church’s image and increase its marketability and credibility.

The church has a moral and spiritual obligation to better protect its members from predators, including those who hold or have held positions of responsibility in the church, and to better assist and help those who have been abused.

If the church refuses to implement critical changes, it will continue to foster a rape culture, where perpetrators are allowed to serve in callings that give them access to victims, where victims are blamed, shamed and marginalized, and where members and survivors are sometimes wrongly taught that victims are somehow responsible for being abused.

The church needs to show the same courage and compassion that it expects of its members. It will have to admit that although most leaders are kind, caring men, some are rapists and abusers. It will have to eliminate systemic procedures where ecclesiastical leaders are empowered to shield their friends and colleagues from accountability for abusive behavior.

We call on church leaders to adopt a zero-tolerance program for abuse. We ask them to listen to abuse survivors and stop silencing them. We ask them to end their policies and procedures that protect and attract perpetrators and wound and silence abuse survivors. As they do so, the church will “shine forth fair as the moon, clear as the sun” [1] and become more like God intends it to be.

[1]Song of Solomon 1: 6, D&C 105:31

“Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.” –Hebrews 13:3 NIV

RESOURCES:

Angela C, “Holding an Abuser Accountable,” By Common Consent, 23 March 2018.

Podcast hosted by Doug Fabrizio, “Authority, Sexual Abuse, and the Mormon/LDS Church,” guests Lee Hale, Lindsay Hansen Park, Angela Clayton, and Natasha Helfer Parker, KUER Mormon Trust Interviews, 31 March 2018.

Podcast hosted by April Bennett Young, “Stopping Sexual Abuse by Ecclesiastical Leaders with Mary Dispenza and Judy Larson,” Exponent II, 19 April 2018.

Podcast hosted by Dr. Gina Colvin, “A Feminist Response to Church Sexual ABuse: Staheli-Hanks & Brown Edmunds, ” A Thoughtful Faith, 27 March 2018.

May 5, 2018

Teaching Correct Principles about Sexual Abuse

We appreciate the efforts the Church makes to help victims of abuse. However, more help is needed, especially for victims of sexual abuse. Whenever leaders hold a victim responsible for being abused, they teach incorrect principles that protect perpetrators and harm survivors.

Each statement about sexual abuse in Church curricula should be evaluated to determine if it blames victims or if it holds the perpetrators responsible for the crime. The Church should revise any of its teachings that blame and shame victims of abuse. For example, consider the following statements:

The woman must resist an attacker “with all her strength and energy” or she is “guilty of unchastity.”– 1974 LDS First Presidency statement

Correct principle: A victim of sexual assault is not guilty of unchastity if she did not resist the attacker with all of her strength. Only the perpetrator is guilty.

“Think of it—unchastity is second only to murder. Perhaps there is a common element in those two things—unchastity and murder. Both have to do with life, which touches upon the highest of divine powers. Murder involves the wrongful taking of life; sexual transgression may involve the wrongful giving of life, or the wrongful tampering with the sacred fountains of life-giving power.”Elder Bruce C. Hafen, “The Gospel and Romantic Love,” adapted from a September 28, 1982, BYU devotional address.

Correct principle: Victims of sexual violence are not guilty of a crime like murder.

The loss of chastity is “far-reaching. Once given or taken or stolen it can never be regained.” … It is better to die in defending one’s virtue than to live having lost it without a struggle.” President Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness

Correct principle: A victim of sexual assault or rape does not lose his or her chastity or virtue.

“Your[young women] influence on the young men will help them remain worthy of their priesthood power, of temple covenants, and of serving a mission.” (See Guardians of Virtue, Elaine S. Dalton, April 2011 General Conference; and Be Not Moved, Elaine S. Dalton, April 2013 Young Women’s Conference)

Correct principle: Young men—not young women– are responsible for the choices they make. When young women are held responsible for the choices young men make, that results in victim blaming if they are raped.

“The body is something to be kept pure and holy. Do not be afraid of soiling its hands in honest labor. Do not be afraid of scars that may come in defending the truth or fighting for the right, but beware scars that spiritually disfigure, that come to you in activities you should not have undertaken, that befall you in places where you should not have gone” Jeffrey R. Holland, The New Era, February 2000.

Correct principle: The scars of sexual abuse do not spiritually disfigure a person; a sexual abuse survivor should never be blamed for the abuse by saying that she should not have undertaken an activity. The responsibility is solely that of the perpetrator.

“The victim must do all in his or her power to stop the abuse. Most often, the victim is innocent because of being disabled by fear or the power or authority of the offender. At some point in time, however, the Lord may prompt a victim to recognize a degree of responsibility for abuse” Richard G. Scott, General Conference, April 1992.

Correct principle: Victims have no degree of responsibility for abuse although perpetrators often believe that they do.

“Any sexual intimacy outside of the bonds of marriage—I mean any intentional contact with the sacred, private parts of another’s body, with or without clothing—is a sin and is forbidden by God. Elder Richard G. Scott, “Serious Questions, Serious Answers,” October 1994 general conference address.

Correct principle: Many victims of sexual assault have been groomed by perpetrators who coerced and manipulated them to engage in sexual activity. These victims are never responsible for the actions of a sexual perpetrator even though they may have had “intentional contact with the sacred, private parts of another person’s body.”

Church leader, teacher or speaker must eliminate all teachings that imply that victims are responsible for the sexual abuse they suffered and that they have lost their virtue. Leaders reading these statements may believe that they are responsible to determine the culpability of a victim who reports sexual abuse. In addition, they may choose to protect perpetrators.

The Church must review its teachings to make certain that they do not implicitly or explicitly hold victims responsible for being raped. The idea that one who is sexually abused is somehow responsible for being assaulted is just as flawed as if one were to say that a murder victim is responsible for being murdered or a robbery victim is responsible for being robbed.

Whenever a church leader writes or speaks about chastity or sexual purity, they must remember that many of those who read or hear their statements are survivors of sexual assault. Church leaders need to clarify their remarks so that their statements do not shame, blame or disparage abuse victims. Our Church must become a safe place for survivors to heal.

The following are some helpful teachings about sexual abuse in Church publications:

• …In instances of abuse, the first responsibility of the Church is to help those who have been abused and to protect those who may be vulnerable to future abuse.” [2]

•“Church leaders should never disregard a report of abuse or counsel a member not to report criminal activity to law enforcement personnel. [3]•

• “Help survivors of abuse understand that they are not bad because bad things were done to them. Appropriately place responsibility on the perpetrator. Don’t imply that being abused was the victim’s fault. People do not have to repent of evil that was done to them; in fact, they cannot do so.” [4]

• “Victims of rape or sexual abuse frequently experience serious trauma and unnecessary feelings of guilt. Church officers should handle such cases with sensitivity and concern, reassuring such victims that they, as victims of the evil acts of others, are not guilty of sin, helping them to overcome feelings of guilt and to regain their self-esteem and their confidence in personal relationships.”[5]

•”What exactly is sexual abuse? By definition, it involves ‘any sexually stimulating activity between a child and an adult or another child who is in a position of power, trust, or control.[‘”6]

•”‘Perhaps [child abuse] has always been with us,’ says President Gordon B. Hinckley, first counselor in the First Presidency, ‘but has not received the attention it presently receives. I am glad there is a hue and cry going up against this terrible evil, too much of which is found among our own’.” [7]

Leaders need to consistently state that abuse victims are not responsible for their abuse and that the Lord loves them unconditionally and infinitely. Leaders need to mourn with abuse survivors and listen with love when they talk about their feelings. They need to help them, not harm them. The Church should be a place of healing for all of its members, including victims of abuse.

We pray that our Church will eliminate any incorrect statements about sexual abuse from its curricula and teachings. We ask that they seek to love abuse survivors as God loves them in all that they say and do. As they do so, they will walk in the Savior’s footsteps, who taught, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another.” [8]

1.For the Strength of the Youth, 36

2. (Book 1: Stake Presidencies and Bishoprics [1998], 157–58

3. Preventing and Responding to Abuse, Mormon Newsroom, March, 2018

4. Ann F Pritt, “Healing the Spiritual Wounds of Sexual Abuse,” April 2001 New Era

5. First Presidency letter to General Authorities, Regional Representatives, and other priesthood leadership, 7 February 1986

6. Child Abuse: Helps for Ecclesiastical Leaders, [Church pamphlet], 1985, 2

7. Lisa A. Johnson, “Hidden Agony,” New Era, March 1992

8. John 13: 34-35

May 5, 2018May 5, 2018

Does the LDS Church Have a Sex Abuse Problem?

Some contend that the incidents of reported sex abuse in the LDS Church are isolated and rare. It is hard to believe that a Church that we love has a systemic problem with leaders and members abusing others, but studies show that many organizations and churches have a problem with sex abuse. In the LDS Church, members are particularly vulnerable to abuse because they trust their leaders and because abuse is seldom reported. When it is reported, victims are too often ignored or shamed.

Recently reports of alleged sexual abuse have surfaced that has increased awareness of sexual abuse in the LDS Church, but unless one carefully reviews the reports of legal convictions of alleged sexual perpetrators in the Church, one may not recognize the magnitude of the problem.

I have spent many years working with sexual assault survivors in a city that is predominantly LDS. I have seen firsthand the trauma that survivors experience. Many of their perpetrators were active members and leaders in the LDS Church.

There are several reasons why some do not realize the extent of the sex abuse problem in the LDS Church:

1. Rape is the most under-reported crime in the United States ; depending on the study that you read, the vast majority of rapes (66% to 88.2%) are never reported to law enforcement, indicating that sexual violence is grossly underestimated.

2. Some have compiled accounts of legal convictions of alleged sexual perpetrators in the LDS Church. Because some have been excommunicated or silenced for compiling accounts of ecclesiastical abuse, we may never know the extent of it in the LDS Church.

3. Although we have records of hundreds of LDS perpetrators who have been convicted, we know that many thousands of members have not reported abuse or have signed NDA’s (Non-Disclosure Agreements) enforced by the Church’s legal counsel. For every six rapists who are convicted in the United States, 994 are not convicted or are unreported. For every rapist that is convicted, 166 are not reported or convicted. Studies show that rapists typically perpetrate on 1.8 to 11.7 victims before being convicted.

4. When abuse survivors report abuse, too often they are not believed, especially when the perpetrator is a Church leader. Some bishops do not think that someone they admire and respect participated in criminal activity. Perpetrators may appear to be overtly faithful members who hold temple recommends and seem to follow the Church’s teachings and rules.

5. Abuse survivors may not seem credible to a Church leader who is untrained in sexual abuse. Some survivors may have disassociated the abuse and may seem unemotional or dispassionate when they describe the abuse. Others may be so traumatized that they may seem irrational or troubled. Survivors may appear calm, hysterical, angry, apathetic, or in shock. When leaders are trained to better understand the varied emotions of abuse victims, they will be more willing listen to each one of them instead of disregarding or dismissing them.

6. Too often leaders do not realize that rape is never the fault of the victim. In addition, many leaders do not realize that with very few exceptions, those who report sexual assaults are speaking the truth. Some language in Church resources must be changed to correct this misinformation. I will address this is a future blog post.

7. Scholarly research shows that patriarchal systems tend to have a rape culture. “Behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, slut-shaming, sexual objectification, trivializing rape, denial of widespread rape, refusing to acknowledge the harm caused by some forms of sexual violence, or some combination of these.”[1] Some of these behaviors were common at Church-owned Brigham Young University, where rape victims were accused of honor code violations and expelled from the school. Since this practice has stopped, rate reporting has increased by 400% at that school. If Church members were assured that they would not be blamed or shamed after reporting rapes to their LDS leaders, rates of reporting would most likely increase exponentially as well.

8. Statistics show that Utah, which is predominately Mormon, has a consistently higher rape rate than the national average. In 2016, census results show that 62.8 percent of residents in Utah were Mormon yet according to the Uniform Crime Rates the rape rate in Utah is consistently higher than the national average and has been so for decades. Utah often has one of the top ten or eleven highest rape rates in the nation although the population is almost two-thirds LDS.

9. In a culture that emphasizes virtue and sexual abstinence before marriage, it is likely that fewer LDS members report abuse that in other cultures. In the LDS Church, sexual abuse can be especially shaming because of the teachings of Church leaders who sometimes indicate that sexual abuse victims are somehow responsible for being assaulted. I will devote a future post to that topic.

Many victims of sex abuse mistakenly blame themselves for being assaulted. They want to believe that somehow they could have prevented the rape, even though the rape was totally the responsibility of the perpetrator. It is the duty and obligation of Church leaders to teach victims of sexual assault that they are pure, virtuous, and deeply loved by God and to teach them that they are never responsible for being raped.

To summarize, few survivors report rape. We have no way to confirm how many rapes are reported to LDS bishops and branch presidents, but the culture of shame and blame in our Church would seem to discourage many from reporting rape. In the recent account of McKenna Denson, who was allegedly sexually abused by her mission president, she recounts reporting the rape four times to church leaders. After she taped an interview with her allegedly perpetrator, who admitted to sexual abuse on the tape and to BYU police, the Church discredited her in a press report, stating that she had returned early from her mission and was no longer a member. In addition, they released her confidential Church records and adoption records, including the name of her adopted daughter from a closed LDS Church adoption report, to the son and attorney of her alleged perpetrator.

This is not an isolated incident. Others have received similar treatment from the LDS Church after they reported incidents of sexual abuse by Church members and leaders. There are a number of documented accounts that confirm this is a serious problem in the Church.

The LDS Church has a sexual abuse problem that must be addressed and corrected with improved training, policies and teachings that hold perpetrators accountable and help survivors heal. To do so, it must first recognize that it has a systemic problem that in too many instances protects perpetrators and harms victims. This rape culture includes victims blaming, shaming victims or holding them responsible for rape because of their behavior or manner or attire, objectifying or demeaning victims, trivializing the victim, denying that the Church has a problem, and refusing to acknowledge that rape victims suffer.

The McKenna Denson case is a microcosm of the suffering of too many survivors in the LDS Church, who are shamed and blamed by the shepherds in the Church who are entrusted with caring for their flock. We pray for the day when the Church decides that every victim of abuse deserves respect and compassion. Surely, the Lord must weep when He sees His children suffer so.

“At some point in time, however, the Lord may prompt a victim to recognize a degree of responsibility for abuse. Your priesthood leader will help assess your responsibility so that, if needed, it can be addressed.” –Richard G. Scott, April 1992 General Conference

Herman, Dianne F. “The Rape Culture”. Printed in Women: A Feminist Perspective (ed. Jo Freeman). McGraw Hill, 1994. Retrieved 18 October 2011.

May 2, 2018May 5, 2018

Reducing Ecclesiastical Sexual Abuse in the LDS Church

Most men who are called to positions of authority in the Church are kind, caring individuals. I have seen miracles performed by Church leaders who served members with love and compassion. Many bishops and branch presidents serve faithfully and tirelessly. They reach out to the elderly, sick, widowed, poor, and needy. Faith-filled Church leaders—and members—become instruments in God’s hands when they serve others.

Unfortunately, some leaders misuse the authority they receive. Some bully members into compliance. Others lure members into dishonest financial schemes. Some are physically or sexually abusive. Studies demonstrate that faith communities are even more vulnerable to abuse than secular environments since 93% of sex offenders describe themselves as “religious” and they tend to have more victims and younger victims.[1]

Studies indicate that up to 38% of women and 16% of men were molested before turning 18 years old.[2] In an extensive research study of many religious denominations that included Latter-day Saints, Dr. Diane R. Garland found that 32 members of congregations that average 400 members have experienced clergy sexual misconduct.[3]

Sexual predators often target churches because the church provides them with easy access to victims, because members tend to trust their leaders and to assume that the church is a safe place, and because perpetrators are often supported or quickly forgiven by the Church when victims report abuse.

Current LDS policies create a culture that encourages and protects ecclesiastical abusers. Some include:

Teaching members that they should trust their leaders explicitly
Dismissing reports of ecclesiastical sexual and physical abuse
Assuming that some abuse victims are responsible for being abused
Punishing those who report abuse by blaming, silencing or shaming them
Presuming that abusers are not guilty unless convicted in a court
Failing to adequately train leaders and members on abuse recognition, avoidance, reporting, and treatment.

When an abuser is called as a church leader—or when a church leader becomes an abuser— they can use their position to groom victims. Predators can target people of any age and tend to seek out those who are vulnerable, trusting, and naïve. Child, youth, and adults can be more easily abused since many believe that their leaders and teachers are trustworthy.

Some ways that some ecclesiastical predators groom victims include:

Paying special attempt to the victim and making him or her feel special
Convincing the victim that the predator can be trusted[4]
Asking the victim to share concerns, fears and even details of sexual trauma which should only be revealed in a professional counseling setting
Telling the victim that the predator has special insight into their needs and feelings which others lack
Isolating the victim by creating situations where they are alone together
Breaking down a victim’s natural defenses until he can coerce or manipulate the victim to do his/her bidding
Conditioning a child to become used to various degrees of physical touch and intimacy
Sharing secrets with the adult victim, ie., saying that they are unhappily married and would have married the victim if they had known them sooner; claiming that God would want them to share a sexual relationship; causing them to believe that the predator has received inspiration regarding them; convincing the victim that he or she is the love of predator’s life
Manipulating the victim to tell no one about the abuse, ie., telling the victim that no one would believe what she said or that she could be punished for disclosing what happened
Maintaining control by using threats or guilt to force continued participate and silence
Grooming friends and family of the victim by convincing them that the perpetrator is a charming, faithful, trustworthy person to make certain that a victim’s report of abuse is discounted or ignored

No organization can prevent all incidents of sexual abuse. However, organizations, especially churches, can and should implement policies and procedures that better protect its members and promote recovery for abuse victims. The LDS Church can reduce the prevalence of serious abuse by:

Providing a help line for victims of ecclesiastical abuse with skilled trauma counselors who are authorized to provide survivors with needed medical and mental health care and to hold perpetrators accountable.
Training members on abuse recognition and avoidance.
Instructing leaders that perpetrators—not victims– are responsible for abuse.
Discontinuing practices or teachings that blame, shame or silence victims.[5]
Eliminating one-on-one interviews that discuss sexually explicit questions with children.
Teaching members to use discernment and caution in all of their interactions in and out of the Church.
Preventing known perpetrators from holding Church positions where they can abuse others.
Requiring a leader or parent to attend bishop interviews
Requiring bishops to refer all members who need psychological counseling to skilled professionals.

Most Church members and leaders are compassionate and caring. However, some use their Church positions as a means to abuse others. We pray that the Church will make essential procedural and policy changes to better protect its members from abuse and to ensure that its leaders help—and do not harm— survivors of ecclesiastical abuse.

1. Ann Salter, Ph.D., Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, And Other Sex Offenders, 2004.

2. Nora Harlow, M.D., and Gene G. Abel, Stop Child Molestation Book, 2001.

3. Diane Garland, Ph.D., “The Prevalence of Clergy Sexual Misconduct with Adults: A Research Study,” Baylor University, 2008. https://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/index.php?id=67406

4. In the LDS Church, this is additional problematic, since members are taught that all local leaders have been called by God. For example, see President Henry B. Eyring’s October 2017, General Conference talk in which he quoted Elder James B. Faust, who said: “We … need to support and sustain our local leaders, because they … have been ‘called and chosen.’ Every member of this Church may receive counsel from a bishop or a branch president, a stake or a mission president, and the President of the Church and his associates.”

5. Examples include excommunicating victims or members who report or document ecclesiastical abuse, stating that victims are somehow responsible for the abuse they suffered, punishing the victim but not the perpetrator, forcing victims to sign non-disclosure agreements in order to receive help, and disclosing confidential Church information about victims.

RESOURCES:

Mark Scheffers, M.S.W., Child Trauma Assessment Center, Western Michigan University.

Joe E. Trull & James E. Carter, Ministerial Ethics: Being a Good Minister In A Not-So-Good World (Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 1993), 81.

Dr. Kris Helge and Bradley T. B. Toben, “Sexual Misconduct of Clergypersons with Congregants or Parishioners,” Clergy Sexual Misconduct and Prevention, Baylor University.

“Grooming Dynamic,” National Center for Prevention of Crime.

Rosemary Webb and Jennifer Mitchell, “A Profile of a Child Molester,” Child Lures Prevention, 2018.

Tim Challis, “Six Reasons Why Sexual Predators Target Churches,” 9 March 2015.